Incredible Dependable Indispensables : The Beijing Battalion

The long, cold, dry and often polluted Beijing winter is a bit of a beast. But over time, I have constructed a band of warriors; a small army if you will, to help combat the savage brutality that one must endure during the harsh winter months. I may have exaggerated, but only slightly…this winter has been rather mild. It is quite possible I would not have survived to enjoy such comparatively warm temperatures if it wasn't for these loyal comrades. 

Meet: 

Peter The Heater 

Peter was the first addition to my apartment. During the darkest, coldest evenings, Peter offers an almost-friendly orange glow and lukewarm comfort that only a cheap heater from Taobao (Chinese ebay) can provide. 

Rita The Heater 

…Because one heater is just not enough! As temperatures plummeted to -10ºC and below, Rita stepped in and took command. She is the juggernaut of all heaters and truth be told, often intimidates Peter. But when the two heaters work together, they create enough warmth so that I can (at least for short periods of time) remove my thermals. Due to the horrors of combatting draughts and chills (yet mainly due to the amount of electricity she consumes) I have offered Rita some well-earned rest & recuperation. She currently resides in my spare room but remains alert and ready for the next sub-zero emergency. 

Mariah The Air Purifier 

Don’t be fooled by Mariah’s clean and sleek appearance. Filtering out disgusting and health-damaging air particles is a dirty job, but somebody’s got to do it! Beijing’s air quality is no laughing matter and it’s no coincidence that Mariah is the most solemn of the gang. You think your diet is hard? Mariah eats PM2.5 for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She spends most of her days cleaning the air in my apartment but in her free time (on low-pollution days) she enjoys singing sea shanties and having clothes draped on her. 

…and introducing, Mr. McGuire The Humidifier 

Beijing’s climate is absurdly arid. I often wake up with cottonmouth and have to embark on a treacherous journey to the kitchen in search of water. One glass of H2O next to my bed at night is just not enough to quench the dryness that nighttime brings - especially if Rita is in close proximity.

I had growing fears that I was going to end up as a shrivelled, withered, dehydrated husk of my former-self. Oh, these are not laughter lines or wrinkles brought on by the passing of years…these are clearly creases in my ravaged, haggard face that have been formed by lack of moisture. To be honest, Bear Grylls would have resorted to drinking his own urine months ago.

I, on the other hand, decided the best option would be to purchase Mr. McGuire The Humidifier. He is the most recent addition to my apartment and yet already has a great deal of expectations placed upon him. I firmly believe that adding moisture to the air will help combat terrors like: dry mouth, chapped lips, wrinkles (and the general ageing process), hunger pains, flatulence while also preventing other negativity such as having a bad day at work, hearing my neighbour playing the same music every evening and finding there is no more cheese in my fridge.


So there you have it, the Incredible Dependable Indispensables. I will update you on their continuing battle and inform you of any new arrivals to this team of elite equipment.

Bắc Kinh có khí hậu khô ráo. Nhà tôi cực kỳ khô trong mùa đông. Tôi có một máy tạo hơi ẩm cho phòng ngủ. Tôi không thể chịu nổi những tháng mùa đông lạnh giá. Tôi có hai lò sưởi điện. Ở Bắc Kinh, ô nhiễm không khí rất khủng khiếp. Tôi có một máy lọc không khí trong nhà. Làm sao để qua mùa đông? =))